Paying the bill is only one of many behaviors that fall under the category of chivalry and serve to patronize women. Instead, it’s part of a stubborn cultural norm that suggests women need and deserve protective care from men. This indicates that for the large majority, paying for dates is not transactional.
However, in a survey of over 17,000 people, only one in six men believed that women should engage in sexual activity if the man pays the bill on a date. Some have suggested in straight relationships that payment is transactional, and that men choose to pay to increase the likelihood the couple will engage in sex. Although this seems like a fair solution, in straight couples, men still do most of the asking, so men would still likely end up with the check. According to one survey of LGBTQ singles, a majority feel the person who initiated or asked for the date should pay. Same-sex couples don’t have this gender-related problem, so when it comes to deciding who should pay for dates, perhaps straight couples can seek guidance from lesbian and gay couples. Even feminist men have good reason to refrain from bucking the norm and asking a woman to pay. One study found that women viewed men’s chivalry, like paying for dates, as a sign that the man was respectful and caring. Men have a difficult time breaking the cycle as well. Straight men who fail to pay for dates risk being viewed as cheap or uninterested.
It’s a tangible gift, that the woman receives right away. Not only do those who decline men’s help miss out on the free meal, but they may also be perceived as cold for not appreciating the gesture. There are immediate rewards from accepting chivalrous favors from men, but the benefits associated with declining these offers are much more abstract. If a man offers to purchase a meal at an expensive restaurant for a woman, the reward is the free meal. So benevolent sexism holds women back both by altering women’s perceptions of themselves and by limiting their opportunities. Unfortunately, eliminating benevolent sexism is no easy task. On the surface, chivalrous acts seem beneficial to women, so women have little motivation to call for change. Unfortunately, because women are being protected, they are also less likely than men to get the promotion or be assigned the challenging task. This is certainly not helpful for women aiming to climb the corporate ladder. Women end up with glowingly positive reviews, because managers don’t want to hurt their feelings. This is particularly true of women who have managers that endorse behaviors consistent with benevolent sexism. Study after study shows that women don’t get the critical feedback at work that is essential for career success and often don’t land the tough assignments.
If a male manager thinks a female employee is a delicate flower that needs to be protected, he may go easy on her. Yet another problem relates to how women are treated at work. In one experiment that illustrates this phenomenon, participants who were reminded of benevolent sexism were less likely to sign a petition requesting more female professors at their university. Benevolent sexism makes people think about the advantages of being a woman, and therefore lessens their concerns about inequalities in society. It makes them think that the status quo is just fine.īenevolent Sexism Impacts Women’s Feedback At Work If women are told that that these chivalrous cultural beliefs are popular, it leads the women to view society as fairer, and to think that gender inequality is a result of women’s choices and not discrimination. Not only does it impact their career aspirations, but women’s performance on tasks gets worse after they’re reminded of benevolent sexism. In one experiment, participants were asked to complete a puzzle. Those that heard benevolent sexist comments prior to completing the puzzle performed worse than those who didn’t hear the comments. The experimenters concluded that the comments made the women feel less competent, and that’s why their performance decreased.īenevolent Sexism Reduces Drive To Fight For EqualityĪs if reducing career aspirations and task performance weren’t enough, just reminding people of benevolent sexism changes how they think about the world. Benevolent Sexism Impacts Women’s Task Performance